notstevejobs: (omg let's invent)
My chicken-repeller DX is now fully functional. Though sadly a little late. I was a statue in the science wing for a very long time, it seems, before someone found me after the chickens were all defeated.

Well, in case they return, we'll be able to repel them in the future.

That being done, I began construction of a solar-powered cottage-cheese machine, which as the name implies makes cottage cheese.

However, I have run out of bellybutton lint - a very important part of the machine's construction. I believe that high-quality cottage cheese should be available to the masses at little to no cost, and this device would be able to convert sunlight into cottage cheese.

If you have any bellybutton lint that you could spare, or if you could begin to collect it for me, we can see this beautiful future where all your cottage-cheese related dreams could come true, provided it is during the day.

I will have it installed next to the statue of Temperance Watering the Flowers of Prudence and Chastity with the Blood of Slain Incontinence and Incivility on the quad. Cottage Cheese, offered free to all.

If you will all help me, and send me your spare bellybutton lint.
notstevejobs: (:I)
I'm sorry to report that Jeff's time machine device is irreparably broken.

Additionally, my device that plays a song that causes all strife and conflict to cease still has side effects that I cannot get rid of. Because of this I have decided to retire this invention until further study permits the removal of its flaws.

I have turned from these two inventions to a new venture. My latest invention is a water-bottle recycling device that turns empty water bottles into bottles of shaving cream. It is a rousing success.

In a related note: Is there anyone in the market for quality shaving cream? I appear to be flush with bottles of Vieille Épice - Vigueur Virile scent.
notstevejobs: (Gendo Kid)
Okay. For those of you who wanted to do D&D with Apple Kid, I need you to do a few things for me.

This time we're using some house rules. Because as much as I enjoy rolling dice and looking at numbers between posts and making things tabletop complicated, it made posts long and really gave me a lot of extra work.

SO. If you want to have a character play in his D&D tabletop pretendytime game within an internet pretendytime game CLICK ON THROUGH. If you don't, then you can ignore this. RED TEAM you may be getting a game of your own, I don't know. It depends on how many people we get.

Blah blah blah blah blah nerdtalk that took me an hour and a half to type up oh good lord )
notstevejobs: (Apple Car)
Presents in here for Ness, Jeff, Paula, Poo, Knuckles, Tony, Maxwell, Melissa, Kyle Hyde, Slippy, Old D&D Players, aaaaaaaaand Secret Santa AMP.

Oh boy, a giant list of stupid and amazing inventions )
notstevejobs: (Crayon!Apple)
Yesterday I moved a pile of old boxes and old homework and some clothes that had been sitting on the floor for, like, three or four months, while I was looking for some spare parts for my latest invention (I don't really know what it is yet, but I'm sure it will be amazing!).

And that's when I found all of the books that Larry lent me almost a year ago. I feel sort of bad that he left and never took his books back. They're almost as good as when he left them with me, there's only a little ketchup on one or two of the pages.

That was a fun couple of games that I ran that never got finished. I know that a lot of the people that were in my old D&D groups aren't here anymore - Nester, Larry, Poo, Tubba, Orange Kid. I was just wondering if anyone else wanted to start up a D&D adventure. I'll take new players or some of the people in my old group if they wanted to make a new group. I could run it sometime, to give me something to do when I'm not working on my inventions. Or eating!

My mouse says he'll help me with the level designs this time.
notstevejobs: (:I)
::Apple Kid has spent the past 11 hours working nonstop on a new invention. He's created this invention, specifically, to "create the solution to the mass poisoning problem." That is the invention's specific concept. For the past half hour, he has been testing the machine. It is supposed to create something, but for whatever reason, nothing ever seems to happen, no matter what he does.::

::He's tried the thing out like twenty times by this point.::

::Unbeknown to Apple Kid, across campus, whenever Apple Kid pushes the on button on his machine, a mannequin arm materializes out of nowhere, and slaps Uxie across the face.::

I, uh. I've been working on a machine for the last 11 hours or so that is supposed to create the solution to the mass poisoning.

And, uh, I think it should be working just fine. But when I turn it on, nothing seems to happen.

Uh. Jeff, Maxwell, Lash, Slippy, can any of you maybe... have a look at it?

I don't know what's wrong...

This has never happened before...
notstevejobs: (Default)
Just as an update for all of the people who helped to fund my mold-powered robotics research a month ago:

I've had some real break-throughs over the past week, and I'm now in the construction stage of several prototype engines, all powered by nothing more than everyday, common mold, and pieces of old bread.

The first one or two should, I hope, be operational and installed in one of my earlier model robots by the end of the week, and then I'll see how efficient they are. I'll have to alter the design slightly, but that shouldn't be too difficult, my main concern is in penicillin storage.
notstevejobs: (Laidback)
I haven't updated this in some time, oops.

I just got back in after a very long day. This morning I called Mr. Kyle to see what he was doing for Father's Day and then after I finished my phone call I saw Dr. Andonuts. I was very surprised to see him here, so I went over to talk with him. He said he was passing through town on the way to a conference and thought he would see if Jeff was free for lunch. Well, I took him to Jeff's room and I knocked on his door but nobody answered, so then I took him over to where Jeff has been working on his giant robot, thinking maybe he was inventing, but he wasn't there, either.

Dr. Andonuts told me then that it looked like we weren't going to find Jack (I'm pretty sure he meant Jeff) and that since we couldn't find Jack (Jeff), that he might as well take me out for lunch. So Dr. Andonuts took me out to a pancake restaurant and we had a lot of pancakes and sausage and juice for lunch.

Then he said that he had a little more free time, so we went to a movie -- Plaything Narrative IV. (I cried four times; the part where the minature chartreuse extraterrestrials sacrifice their lives to save the gondola carrying the sock monkey from the vat of acid left the entire audience in tears). It was a wonderful movie, worthy of, and in some ways surpassing, the three that came before it. At the movie theater we had popcorn and soda!

Then Dr. Andonuts looked at his watch and realized he'd missed his train, and there wasn't another one for another six hours, so then we went to a water park and I befouled all the water we didn't have bathing suits with us so Dr. Andonuts bought a new suit for each of us. We went on water slides and the lazy river and we had ice cream.

Then it was time for dinner, so Dr. Andonuts took me to a burger place and we had cheeseburgers and fries and milkshakes.

For the last hour or so over dinner, he showed me some diagnostics for his latest invention - it's all very hush-hush, so I won't leave any details here, but by working together, we discovered a way to improve the machine's output by 38%, while only using 59% of the original fuel intake; we even found a way to add in a soda fountain for refreshing beverages while in use. Then he had to go and I went with him to the train station and waved goodbye as his train took off.

So then I came back to school and I sat down and I typed everything out before I forgot it.
notstevejobs: (Gendo Kid)
::In all of the teacher's mailboxes and left in the front of every student's dorm door is a chest of drawers small box (or two boxes, in the case of students sharing a dorm). Each box has a tag that says "For you! From Apple Kid." Inside of the boxes...

is...

An Insignificant Item.

holy mother of god::
notstevejobs: (omg let's invent)
I keep forgetting to update this thing -- I've been so busy lately researching the mold in the boy's restrooms here on campus.

Did you know that there are at least 27 different varieties of mold growing in the boy's restrooms here? My research into them has been fascinating.

I may be onto a breakthrough in the surprisingly untapped area of mold-powered steam engines! Imagine robots that produce penicillin as a byproduct of turning them on!

Mr. Kyle, you have at least four distinct varieties in your bathroom -- did you know that?

Mr. Kyle, I sneaked into your bathroom to do studies on mold -- did you know that?

Is anyone willing to fund some research into mold-powered steam-engine robots? It'll be a breakthrough in robotics and also medicine at the same time!
notstevejobs: (Hello Mr. Kyle)
::Ring Ring Ring!::

::Ring Ring Ring!::

::Ring Ring Ring!::

::Ring Ring Ring!::

::Ring Ring Ring!::

::Ring Ring Ring!::

::Ring Ring Ring!::
notstevejobs: (Gerber Baby Stare)
I was recently invited to take part in a D&D tournament-type activity. I was just wondering if anyone who played in my game before would be willing to take part in something like this. I'm not certain exactly how one group beats another in this sort of a thing but it seems like something interesting to do.

So is anybody interested?

Also: I think I accidentally took all of my finals last night while I was sleeping, in my dreams. My GoodSlumber StudyBeam needs tweaking.

Miss Aran, you misspelled the word "viscoelasticity" on question 5 of the final. Or you're going to. One of the two.

((Apple Kid needs more activity and I think that whenever the animumu convention happens.

There should be.

Some.

SBG.

LARPing.

Where nobody knows they are LARPing until about an hour before they have to LARP and have costumes and crap.))
notstevejobs: (Default)
I'm back from Eagleland. It was nice to spend Christmas with Ness and his family.

I don't think I've ever spent a Christmas with somebody's family before. Maybe I did when I was really little with mine but I don't really remember that much. We had mugs of hot chocolate and presents and music and snow.

I went back to Twoson, too, and visited my house. It's been over a year, everything's all dusty from not being used now. Not that it was very clean to start with, I guess.

Paula, your dad says "I love you, honey," I think. He was sort of hard to understand. Your mom said he was "Having one of his moments," which I guess explained the hysterical weeping.

Anyway, here's to a new year filled with new inventions and learning.
notstevejobs: (Crayon!Apple)
My friend Ness invited me to spend Christmas with his family in Onett. So I'll be back in Eagleland for awhile! Jeff maybe I'll see your dad and he can shower me with the love and affection he never gave you!

Secret Santa gift for Zelda )

Presents for Jeff, Orange Kid, Paula, Poo, Tony, Ulty, Knuckles, Slippy, Kyle Hyde, Melissa & D&D players )
notstevejobs: (omg let's invent)
The past month or so I have been working on a totally new invention, and finally it's finished. I promised that the next thing I made I would give to Midna because she made me small again.

Announcing the celery eraser! Do you know how things like jello salad will have celery in it? It's never very good. The celery is tasteless and stringy, without fail. And you wish you could have it without the celery mixed in? Well now you can! The celery eraser erases any nearby celery when you use it. Do you have peanut butter and celery sticks, but need the peanut butter back? Now you can get it! Be careful not to use it in the grocery store, or else they might get upset with you.

You can come pick it up whenever you want, Midna.

Also, Melissa, how is your puzzle machine working?
notstevejobs: (GUH)
This afternoon I found a letter taped to the door of the room Orange Kid and I share.

It was a love letter from someone addressed to me.

They said they were in love with me even though Orange Kid is smarter and better than me and deserves their love more than I do and I am messy and unattractive.

Yesterday Mr. Hawke got a strange love letter. The contents of which I have read because I am the spider that sits at the center of the school's electronic communications, and I am privy to all electronically written knowledge.

Today I got a strange love letter.

I would like to put forth a theory based on my observations - there's a 91% chance somebody is writing fake love letters.

If someone else gets a strange love letter in the next few days, I'd appreciate it if you would inform me, and I can adjust my probability numbers accordingly.
notstevejobs: (Scribbly)
i am now the size of my mouse

someone broke down the door to my room

and made me shrink down to the same size as my mouse

i did not really see who it was

my mouse is helping me type this

orange kid i need you to help me make a growth ray

i am not big enough to handle most of my tools

i will be waiting next to my computer by the empty soda cans

this took 20 minutes to type

if you give me a thimbleful of soda i will let you drink the rest of one of my cans
notstevejobs: (Happy!Apple)
Hey, I'm back from Tokyo Women's University! I was their guest lecturer for like a whole month and they put me in a little apartment and they gave me a bunch of money that didn't make any sense, and I ate out at restaurants almost every day. Sometimes they didn't cook the food but it was good anyway. They make good soups there - everybody should have their soup.

Anyway, I gave lectures on how I transferred the technology from the no-smell underwear and shirts into socks and shoes. It was a big hit. I think I won some sort of cultural award or something while I was there, there was a ceremony and they gave me a piece of paper with funny moon writing on it, and then I got a medal.

Anyway, while I was there I was reading a bunch of Larry's books on Dungeons and Derps. So I think in a week I'll be ready to run the campaign. So if you guys know a good day to play D&D, we can play it.

Also, we have a whole bunch of people so I think maybe we will have to have two different groups, so it's okay if everybody can't meet up at the same time, I will run it for both groups.
notstevejobs: (Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh)
Does anybody remember that time I went away for like a week to go to Tokyo Women's University so I could get some underwear and socks that don't smell even if you wear them for a week? Well, I managed to refine the process and put it into a t-shirt and shoes!

And when the university heard about it, they asked me to be a special guest lecturer for the summer! They want me to give talks and demonstrations and show them the process of how I made them.

They're paying me 2 million yen to do it, too. Does anybody have any idea how much money that is? I have no idea.

I'm still working on the D&D thing that Larry asked me to work on ((SIGN UP HERE IF YOU HAVEN'T)) and I promise by the time I come back in three or four weeks I'll be ready to play it all with you! I can't wait.
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