notstevejobs

My chicken-repeller DX is now fully functional. Though sadly a little late. I was a statue in the science wing for a very long time, it seems, before someone found me after the chickens were all defeated.

Well, in case they return, we'll be able to repel them in the future.

That being done, I began construction of a solar-powered cottage-cheese machine, which as the name implies makes cottage cheese.

However, I have run out of bellybutton lint - a very important part of the machine's construction. I believe that high-quality cottage cheese should be available to the masses at little to no cost, and this device would be able to convert sunlight into cottage cheese.

If you have any bellybutton lint that you could spare, or if you could begin to collect it for me, we can see this beautiful future where all your cottage-cheese related dreams could come true, provided it is during the day.

I will have it installed next to the statue of Temperance Watering the Flowers of Prudence and Chastity with the Blood of Slain Incontinence and Incivility on the quad. Cottage Cheese, offered free to all.

If you will all help me, and send me your spare bellybutton lint.

I'm sorry to report that Jeff's time machine device is irreparably broken.

Additionally, my device that plays a song that causes all strife and conflict to cease still has side effects that I cannot get rid of. Because of this I have decided to retire this invention until further study permits the removal of its flaws.

I have turned from these two inventions to a new venture. My latest invention is a water-bottle recycling device that turns empty water bottles into bottles of shaving cream. It is a rousing success.

In a related note: Is there anyone in the market for quality shaving cream? I appear to be flush with bottles of Vieille Épice - Vigueur Virile scent.

Presents in here for Ness, Jeff, Paula, Poo, Knuckles, Tony, Maxwell, Melissa, Kyle Hyde, Slippy, Old D&D Players, aaaaaaaaand Secret Santa AMP.

( Oh boy, a giant list of stupid and amazing inventions )

::Apple Kid has spent the past 11 hours working nonstop on a new invention. He's created this invention, specifically, to "create the solution to the mass poisoning problem." That is the invention's specific concept. For the past half hour, he has been testing the machine. It is supposed to create something, but for whatever reason, nothing ever seems to happen, no matter what he does.::

::He's tried the thing out like twenty times by this point.::

::Unbeknown to Apple Kid, across campus, whenever Apple Kid pushes the on button on his machine, a mannequin arm materializes out of nowhere, and slaps Uxie across the face.::

I, uh. I've been working on a machine for the last 11 hours or so that is supposed to create the solution to the mass poisoning.

And, uh, I think it should be working just fine. But when I turn it on, nothing seems to happen.

Uh. Jeff, Maxwell, Lash, Slippy, can any of you maybe... have a look at it?

I don't know what's wrong...

This has never happened before...

I haven't updated this in some time, oops.

I just got back in after a very long day. This morning I called Mr. Kyle to see what he was doing for Father's Day and then after I finished my phone call I saw Dr. Andonuts. I was very surprised to see him here, so I went over to talk with him. He said he was passing through town on the way to a conference and thought he would see if Jeff was free for lunch. Well, I took him to Jeff's room and I knocked on his door but nobody answered, so then I took him over to where Jeff has been working on his giant robot, thinking maybe he was inventing, but he wasn't there, either.

Dr. Andonuts told me then that it looked like we weren't going to find Jack (I'm pretty sure he meant Jeff) and that since we couldn't find Jack (Jeff), that he might as well take me out for lunch. So Dr. Andonuts took me out to a pancake restaurant and we had a lot of pancakes and sausage and juice for lunch.

Then he said that he had a little more free time, so we went to a movie -- Plaything Narrative IV. (I cried four times; the part where the minature chartreuse extraterrestrials sacrifice their lives to save the gondola carrying the sock monkey from the vat of acid left the entire audience in tears). It was a wonderful movie, worthy of, and in some ways surpassing, the three that came before it. At the movie theater we had popcorn and soda!

Then Dr. Andonuts looked at his watch and realized he'd missed his train, and there wasn't another one for another six hours, so then we went to a water park and I befouled all the water we didn't have bathing suits with us so Dr. Andonuts bought a new suit for each of us. We went on water slides and the lazy river and we had ice cream.

Then it was time for dinner, so Dr. Andonuts took me to a burger place and we had cheeseburgers and fries and milkshakes.

For the last hour or so over dinner, he showed me some diagnostics for his latest invention - it's all very hush-hush, so I won't leave any details here, but by working together, we discovered a way to improve the machine's output by 38%, while only using 59% of the original fuel intake; we even found a way to add in a soda fountain for refreshing beverages while in use. Then he had to go and I went with him to the train station and waved goodbye as his train took off.

So then I came back to school and I sat down and I typed everything out before I forgot it.

I keep forgetting to update this thing -- I've been so busy lately researching the mold in the boy's restrooms here on campus.

Did you know that there are at least 27 different varieties of mold growing in the boy's restrooms here? My research into them has been fascinating.

I may be onto a breakthrough in the surprisingly untapped area of mold-powered steam engines! Imagine robots that produce penicillin as a byproduct of turning them on!

Mr. Kyle, you have at least four distinct varieties in your bathroom -- did you know that?

Mr. Kyle, I sneaked into your bathroom to do studies on mold -- did you know that?

Is anyone willing to fund some research into mold-powered steam-engine robots? It'll be a breakthrough in robotics and also medicine at the same time!

I was recently invited to take part in a D&D tournament-type activity. I was just wondering if anyone who played in my game before would be willing to take part in something like this. I'm not certain exactly how one group beats another in this sort of a thing but it seems like something interesting to do.

So is anybody interested?

Also: I think I accidentally took all of my finals last night while I was sleeping, in my dreams. My GoodSlumber StudyBeam needs tweaking.

Miss Aran, you misspelled the word "viscoelasticity" on question 5 of the final. Or you're going to. One of the two.

((Apple Kid needs more activity and I think that whenever the animumu convention happens.

There should be.

Some.

SBG.

LARPing.

Where nobody knows they are LARPing until about an hour before they have to LARP and have costumes and crap.))

My friend Ness invited me to spend Christmas with his family in Onett. So I'll be back in Eagleland for awhile! Jeff maybe I'll see your dad and he can shower me with the love and affection he never gave you!

( Secret Santa gift for Zelda )

( Presents for Jeff, Orange Kid, Paula, Poo, Tony, Ulty, Knuckles, Slippy, Kyle Hyde, Melissa & D&D players )

This afternoon I found a letter taped to the door of the room Orange Kid and I share.

It was a love letter from someone addressed to me.

They said they were in love with me even though Orange Kid is smarter and better than me and deserves their love more than I do and I am messy and unattractive.

Yesterday Mr. Hawke got a strange love letter. The contents of which I have read because I am the spider that sits at the center of the school's electronic communications, and I am privy to all electronically written knowledge.

Today I got a strange love letter.

I would like to put forth a theory based on my observations - there's a 91% chance somebody is writing fake love letters.

If someone else gets a strange love letter in the next few days, I'd appreciate it if you would inform me, and I can adjust my probability numbers accordingly.

Hey, I'm back from Tokyo Women's University! I was their guest lecturer for like a whole month and they put me in a little apartment and they gave me a bunch of money that didn't make any sense, and I ate out at restaurants almost every day. Sometimes they didn't cook the food but it was good anyway. They make good soups there - everybody should have their soup.

Anyway, I gave lectures on how I transferred the technology from the no-smell underwear and shirts into socks and shoes. It was a big hit. I think I won some sort of cultural award or something while I was there, there was a ceremony and they gave me a piece of paper with funny moon writing on it, and then I got a medal.

Anyway, while I was there I was reading a bunch of Larry's books on Dungeons and Derps. So I think in a week I'll be ready to run the campaign. So if you guys know a good day to play D&D, we can play it.

Also, we have a whole bunch of people so I think maybe we will have to have two different groups, so it's okay if everybody can't meet up at the same time, I will run it for both groups.